I looked up from my book when I saw him enter the room. As always, he brushed past my desk, not even giving me a sign of acknowldgement, which left me to let out an exasperated sigh. I couldn't help but think back to the time when he cared about me, when he'd look me in the eyes and just talk to me when something was on his mind.
That was nothing more than a distant memory now. It was nearly a year since he'd shown a sign of caring about me. Normally, I'm not the type to pine for someone. I've got far better things to do in most cases. But life has been lagging lately. I sighed again, picking up my pen again when Mrs. Kwan entered the room, beginning a dull lesson on Julius Caesar. The lesson droned on, and I fell into a daze, remembering the days when things in my life were nice.
Forty-five minutes later, the bell rang, and I slowly closed my book. I watched him brush past me again, once again as if I didn't exist. I quickly stood up, taking a deep breath, and exiting the room. I made my way towards my locker, and much to my dismay, my least favourite person was waiting outside my locker.
"Emma Nelson," Really, she was quite pretty. Her hair was a gorgeous and natural shade of red. Her eyes sparkled, and when I looked her in the eye, I began to wonder if that was why she'd been picked over me. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't constantly stare at my boyfriend as if you were a lost puppy and he was your owner."
And with that, Ellie Nash had not only blatanly insulted me, but she'd walked away before I could even give a response. I bit my lower lip, and I could feel my nostrils flare as I watched her walk over to him. She kissed him hard, in a clear and obvious attempt to make me jealous. Sadly, it worked. I stormed off in the opposite direction, entering the washroom and leaning against the door. I took in a deep breath, and tried to hold my emotions back.
After a couple of minutes, there was a knock on the door. It was the washroom, so I couldn't hold anyone out. I moved from the door, and after a second, the door swung open, and on the other side, it revealed Sean Cameron. My eyes grew wide. I wasn't sure what game he was playing with me. He hadn't even given me a glance in month, and now he's following me into a girls washroom?
"Don't say a word." He spoke quietly, and moved swiftly towards me. He took both my hands, raising them up and holding them against the wall behind me. He leaned closer to me, and I got a whiff of his familar scent. Suddenly, it was the summer before Grade 9, and I just smiled. My eyes closed, and he continued to move closer to me, and soon enough, his lips grazed mine.
My initial instinct was to pull away. I know he has a girlfriend, and I couldn't encourage him to cheat. But that selfish part of me needed to feel him close to me again. His lips were still touching mine, and as the kiss grew deeper, I couldn't help but think to myself what it meant. It was so sudden, and anyone could easily walk in and see what was happening.
This continued on as so for another few minutes. I almost felt as if I was dreaming, but the passion in it was so real, I knew I must have been awake. He pulled away, and for the first time in so long, I got a glimpse of the Sean Cameron smile I missed. I took it for granted when we were together. I took a lot of it for granted. Whether it was his kisses, his voice, his scent, his eyes, anything. I was so bitter for so long, but I realized it was only because I needed him.
After the inital euphoria wore off, I spoke. "So what does this mean?"
"Nothing at all. It was just something I needed to do." His grip loosened, and he moved away, walking towards the door. He turned back and looked at me once again. "It's not that I don't care about you. But Ellie is who I need right now."
Confusion overcame and I watched him exit the washroom. A moment later, I followed out, and there he was with Ellie again. Their fingers interwined, their smiles parallel to one another. Looking at them, I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces in my chest. Everything with Sean Cameron was a game, it seemed, and I was just a pawn. His words echoed in my head, and I wondered if he truly mean them.
But it didn't matter, it was just a kiss. To him, it was just a kiss. For me, it was the moment that would forever eat at my brain until I could understand why it happened.